Where I Once Stood
by grungekitty
Summary: If you're watching this, I'm probably dead. These are my regrets and failures, but mostly, the things I couldn't find the strength to say in life. Mandarin centered.
1. Chapter 1

***Afternote: OMG! THIS IS MY 77TH SRMTHFG FIC! (7's my lucky number...well that and I'm a SPRX fangirl)***

* * *

***gasp***

**I barely made it out of that week alive!**

**anyway...I **_**am**_** alive! I was just trapped by drama and standardized test**

**but hopefully I'll have more free time now**

**so back to the point!**

**"Leave out all the rest" by Lincoln Park**

**and everyone that knows me is giving me a face right now**

**...I've had some ...**_**issues... **_**with Lincoln Park in the past... -_-**

**but they've gotten better about it and my mom but a bunch of their stuff on my Ipod without me asking,**

**soooo I figured since she already bought it, might as well enjoy it**

**SO ON WITH THE STORY!**

**-grungekitty**

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Mandarin was finally dead. It was no one's direct fault. Sickness actually.

Of all the noble ways he'd pictured his death, sickness was not one that crossed his mind.

"I don't know if I should be sad or happy" SPRX said after an impossible amount of silence.

The team had been stuck with the body. Since he was not only their brother, but their enemy too, everyone thought it best to let them figure out what they wanted to do with it.

Chiro sat back awkwardly. He had only ever known Mandarin as an enemy, so naturally he was spiteful, but he didn't know if the team was or not. He was their brother after all!

"I...don't know what to do" Antauri confessed

All five monkeys didn't know whenever to be upset or relieved, so their bodies had chose none. They were all in a surreal numbness.

It was uncomfortable, awkward, and strange to say the least.

_bliiing!_

"We've got a message!" Gibson announced "...strange...this is a very specific frequency...only someone on the team could send a message _this_ directly...you guys don't think..."

"open it!" Chiro said

Gibson nodded.

"It's a video message" Gibson added as he opened it

Sure enough, Mandarin's face popped up on the screen.

The team growled.

"Hello hyper force" Mandarin grinned in his usually evil demeanor.

But then his look faded to a serious sadness.

"If you're watching this, I'm probably dead. Or couldn't get on where I needed to be to stop this message for a week... for my sake I hope it's the first." Mandarin said as he looked away, slightly smiling a his own joke.

It was a genuine smile, not evil or coy, but a real happiness.

The team was baffled at this find, but stayed silent, not wanting to miss anything.

"I'm sure you're confused, I'd be surprised if you weren't! I've kept a video like this for several years, updating it every now and again, and I've had it set up to where it would send itself in the event I don't tell it not to for at least a week. I will not tell you how I did this, that's one thing I'll take to my grave" he said, a coy smirk crossing his face "but I couldn't exactly have a legal will, and I figured that whatever happened to me, you'd whined up with me, and even if you didn't, there are still things on this that you need to hear, so consider this as my last will and testament. But also...my last confession...the things I wasn't strong enough to say in life...So I'll do it behind death... like a coward"

He scrunched his face up in disgust at himself.

"...and that's exactly what I am, a coward! Just look at where I am! Hiding from my own brothers!" Mandarin scuffed "_'Listen children, my story to tell! How far from grace I have fell! Once the mighty and noble now the shunned and __distraught__! My choices landed me in the fires I fought!'_ fitting isn't it? _'Where I Once Stood'_ is now my favorite poem. I remember Antauri was the one that gave me the book in which I first read it. I never thought it would become my life's story! Whatever you chose to do with me, I'd like it to be done with that poem. Burn the pages with me! Read it at the service! Or ungracefully tape it to me as you launch me into space! I really don't care what you decide to do to me!, you deserve whatever will bring you whatever closure you need!"

Everyone was jaw dropped! Antauri did remember sitting with Mandarin as he read that poem for the first time. He also remembered him judging the author so quickly for falling and said that he "_deserved no pity_". He never thought it would become his life story either, but Antauri had to admit, now that he thought about it, the poem wasn't just "_fitting_", it seemed to be written _about _Mandarin!

"What I'd most like to say is that I _do_ regret leaving the Hyper force" Mandarin sighed

Everyone gasped.

"You were my family! And I left because of some petty disagreement that I was wrong about anyways!" Mandarin sulked "I was angry, and I let it take control, I always struggled with my anger, That's why I pushed for Nova to control herself more, I didn't want her to be like me"

More gasped, especially Nova

"When I broke out and came back, I'll be honest, since I'm dead, I was half expecting you guys to '_talk me out of it_'. ...But then I saw the boy... and my anger exploded, not only that I had been replaced, not only had I been replaced so easily, but with a child! My rage controlled me once again! And I just wanted to hurt you the way you hurt my pride and destroy you like you destroyed my last hopes of returning. That's why I went after the boy, I knew it would hurt if I took him from you!" Mandarin said regretfully "I hate him. I really do hate him! He took everything I once had and made it his own! _Everything_! My position, my family, my powers, my room, my city, my home, even my enemies!"

Chiro was surprised, he never thought of it that way, whenever Mandarin singled him out, he figured that it was just bitterness over his rejection to join him.

"But as much as I hate him...I think the biggest reason I hate him, is because there's no real reason to hate him! He was not tempted by my offer even once! He's strong, a good leader, treats you all better, and he has no struggle with his rage or a power hunger to suppress. I hate him because he's everything I wasn't! He's what I wanted to be, and what I can never be!" Mandarin cringed "But there was times when I was your brother! I was your father! I was your friend! I want you to remember those times! Please remember the me when I was in control! Not the power craved, ego-maniac, evil, vile, lunatic I've become! Please think of me as the one that ordered Gibson to leave his lab and get icecream with us to make him laugh! Please think of me as the one that would poke Antauri out of meditation! Please think of me as the one that laughed like a maniac when SPRX tried to do a handstand! Please think of me as the one that hugged Nova when she cried! Please think of me as the one that believed in 'bucket fairies' with Otto! Please keep who I once was in your memory, at least from time to time. Please don't dwell on the pain I've caused you all, or the damage I've done!"

Chiro stopped watching the screen, instead, he watched the monkeys. And every single one of them started crying. One by one they all caved and tears came out. Chiro didn't know if Mandarin ever had good days, but he must of, because they all seemed to miss him now.

"This is what I couldn't tell you in life, because I'm a coward, the coward that lost everything because of his rage and ego! I figured that you all deserved to know anyways. I've heard _'I regret nothing'_ used as last words commonly, well I will make sure that mine are _'I regret everything'_, because I do regret virtually ever choice I've ever made! And I long for my old life! I miss you all everyday, although I believe I have given you reason enough not to miss me in return, I still miss you ...well obviously not _now_! I'm dead!" Mandarin said "I hope this was explanation enough, I regret it all and would take it back in a moment, _'If I would be given the grace. I would take it all back with warm embrace. I would go back if only I could. But I can never return to Where I Once Stood!'_"

The screen went black and the video ended.

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**It's late and I kind of like it open ended like that ^v^**

**so yeah... you guys get to pick what they did**

**1.) got the "bucket fairies" from Ht**

**2.) a lot of this is based on discussions between me and Tauria**

**3.) "Where I Once Stood" was written by me...no idea where it came from, it just happened! first I accidentally rhymed "distraught" and "fought", and I rolled with it.  
****if you guys ask **_**REALLY**_** nicely, I might make a full version and post it as another chapter**

**so I guess that that's it...**

***phew* got something out!**

**-grungekitty**


	2. Full Poem

**Long story**

**that you'll be curious about anyways so HERE! XD**

**the G string on my first guitar Delilah FINALLY snapped and I went to replace the strings with a set I've have ready for about a year**

**It was a complete disaster, but I'll know how to do it next time ;)**

**Anyways, so I went to our local music store and had THEM restring it**

**then before walking home, I played in the sun for a bit**

**Then I went home and finished a song I had been working on for like ever and a half!**

**Then I played some more.**

**Then I found out I have 6 completed original songs (6 more and I can make an album ^v^ any album name ideas? XD)**

**So I was thinking of song ideas**

**and remembered I had the idea to write one based on Mandarin**

**Then remembered this**

**Re-read it for inspo**

**The remembered I never made the full poem**

**So here I am!**

**You get this poem because of a broken guitar string! XD**

**-grungekitty**

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Listen children, my story to tell!

How far from grace I have fell!

Once the mighty and noble now the shunned and distraught!

My choices landed me in the fires I fought!

My greed and anger took their hold.

And after it all, I was left out cold.

I must live with the guilt of what I have done.

I will now be forgotten, shamed, and shun.

For what I have done, I can not be forgave.

It's hard to believe that these were the people I would once save.

I was a hero, honored and praised.

Now I'm forgotten, disgraced and crazed.

Once I would hear children sing my name.

Now I only hear the words spat with shame.

My worlds in pieces, shattered beyond repair!

For I have caused too much despair.

In a moment without control, I lost it all.

In a moment without control, I let myself fall.

There's no turning back to my old home.

For now until my end, I am now alone.

There's no escape from my sealed fate.

My final end is what I await.

If I would be given the grace.

I would take it all back with warm embrace.

I would go back if only I could.

But I can never return to Where I Once Stood!

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**So yeah.**

**I wrote a full poem.**

**Hope you guys liked it.**

**^v^**

**-grungekitty**


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